I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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