I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
