so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize