So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
