are you still at the devil's house?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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