New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
