uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk is a universal language darling
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
