he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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