I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
