i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
