kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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