So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
