So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
