Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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