cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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