Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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