shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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