Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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