i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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