I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
