Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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