I'm drive I can fine osifer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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