toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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