Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
