I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
