he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
