Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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