the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
