I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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