I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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