my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
