Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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