no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
