I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
