Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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