Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
