I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
