It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
