You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
