Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
