I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
