I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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