I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
