I could have mohawked her pubes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
