please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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