the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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