I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
