I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
