did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
