ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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