I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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