I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize