Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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