did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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