My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
