DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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