Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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