i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
