When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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