ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
