At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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