Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
