you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
