I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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