She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
