you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
