great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
