i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
