grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A+ Viking dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
