can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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