I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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