i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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