Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
