the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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