the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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