I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
